:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
