I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
