Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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