she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
