Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
