I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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