It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
