Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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