we have officially lost it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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