why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
