I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
