thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
