just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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