Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
