if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
