Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
