I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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