I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
