he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
