I CAN MOONWALK!
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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