Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
