Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
