I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I puked a lego.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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