wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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