Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
