I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
