dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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