Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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