Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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