new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
