If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
