had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
