just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
