Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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