he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
