Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
