there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
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the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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