It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So squirting runs in the family.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
