I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
