now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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