You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We have so much sex to catch up on
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
