Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He passed out mid-signature
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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