I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i believe in u and ur pee
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
