i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
this beer tastes like vomit already
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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