so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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