I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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