so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.