we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?