There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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