So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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