too bad you live with your parents still
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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