i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.