Apparently you make a good broom.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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