i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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