So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
