Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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