no, he came in my armpit
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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