i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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