Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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