So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
