Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
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I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
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I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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