Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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