I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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