i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
