I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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