pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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