it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
