Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
