I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
