She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
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