In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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